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Unknown_Error421
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Name: Brandon
Location: Quad Cities, Illinois, United States
Birthday: 9/17/1988
Gender: Male
Interests: Where to now? I have the direction but, no address....Lost?
Expertise: Math and Arts/Performance
Occupation: Student
Industry: Art
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  Unknown Error421
Member Since:
8/15/2005
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| Wow, I have changed a lot. For the first time ever someone, that has some common sense, said I an conceded. It surprised the shit out of me, not to mention that I respect this person's opinon so I didn't argue or anything. I miss Xanga. It was always a relief.
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| Rant?.?. I don't know. Let's just speak our mind for the day.
A stack of never ending pictures lays next to me of past senoirs and when compared to the present day senoirs it is like comparing a creek to an ocean. Amazing huh? My best friends....never mind I won't say the thoughts boiling inside of me. Explusions work better. I don't think they see me. I give up. I wish Seth would've been able to finish his life. At least "God" or whatever could have taken someone who needed out. An escape. Life isn't fair but death is worse. No fairness is present in either. Why? I'm done living this damn life why couldn't I have gone? I was ready two years ago. I can't believe noone noticed the pain that tears at my heart each night. A friend or a foe? The damaged caused says foe but I still insist that you are all friends. Why must I be forgiving? I don't see why. They aren't! They don't even try to help. WHY?!?! People say your ways are mysterious. I say they are bullshit. This isn't right! I know I know my life isn't that hard. But do you know the half of it? Honestly do you? Where are you then if you know? Too fucking bad none of the few people that this is directed to will read it. Sad isn't it. Supposed to be the best friends. have I seriously been living a lie?!?! Join the club not the first lie that I am living with. They all kill but I know they are all necessary. How can I trust someone I can hardly even call my friend?!?! Damn a pit has formed and caved in. What next? Seriously? Anger is the last of my worries...fear, regret and sorrow fill my emotions to the tip. I don't understand where I went wrong.....Can I start over?
I know people think I am a nice guy but obviously nice guys finish last. WTF did I do?! I'm changing fuck it. You don't understand and I don't expect you to. I'm a little fucked up in the head and if I could just erase it I would be good. As simply as that..Right? NOPE! I don't know whta to do. I think I am just going to start changing friends. That helped last year. I have lost all respect for most of my friends and now I just need to get out, before I lose it. I need a drink. I tried to avoid it but sometimes people fuck you over and you do need to get out just for a moment. Sometimes a false hope can just make you get over something. I need to beat the shit out of someone. I am considered a pussy and trust me I can see why. But what can I do to change it. I just am sick of people in general. I want to hit someone to relieve some of the pain that they put me through. If they only knew how fucked up I really am they might just regret some of the shit that they did. Now I am not planning on doing anything and I won't this is just a form of venting for me. Some people serious need to get the shit kicked out of them to realize what they do to some people and what they could do if they continue. People really have no clue and never will. People bitch at others, but who are they to say what they do? They push people to the edge and one day....one day they will get what is coming to them. Whether it be a slap to the face or a loss of all of the ones close to them because they get sick of it, it won't matter. Life will change.
I am sick of about 25% of the people in my school. Fakeness runs in and out every door. Whos real? What ever happen to the people that have meaning and purpose. Innocence left years ago and something else replaced it. Not for the better either. I'm tired. Not my eyes or body or mind. Just tired of my surroundings and people say then change them.....maybe I will. Some people aren't going to like it but thats just tuff. You are going to have to live with it because I don't give a fuck. It isn't going to hurt my feelings because I am basically numb. Your words have become meaniless compared to the shit I have had to go through and still am. You don't even know. So your family is poor or they are hard on you.....that sucks but I am tired of your problems because mine have consumed me and now I just don't care. I used to...once upon a time. When everyone mattered to me, but you sucked some of the life out of me. If I died tomorrow would you cry? True tears? Well start crying because I feel dead and now I am moving on, whether that means leaviung you behind and never talking to you again because of the change or just not noticing you in the hallways, it is about to happen. The new me is done with you. You tore my heart out and lost it somewhere. You don't even care to help me find it. What a great friend. Mad at the world is what people might say. I say done with the bullshit and grow up. You aren't the best thing that happen to this world and sure not the best thing that happen to me........bye.
P.S. Don't say shit to me about suicide.....anyone...that isn't what it is.....it is called metaphors and symbolism.
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A Memory of Seth Aswege
A flickering light in the distance
Told of only by a few,
Except for those no longer in existence,
I begin to pursue.
Calling my name afar,
You plead for me not to go.
Feeling the pain you are,
I turn back from what I don’t know.
Stuck between life and death,
A soothing voice echoes.
“It is your time Seth,”
I glance back to see your tears.
Then I whisper in your ear,
“I will be with you forever please don’t fear.”
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| A loss for words....emotions.......movements........thoughts......of life..
A train calling in the distance....pulls me near.
An innocent child taken from his mother.
For what?
Another track to be built?
Fear..makes home in our hearts along with grief and sorrow.
What if? Tears us in two.
For me and you
Life goes on.......but should it?
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| I just got home...I have a lot on my mind and I don't know what to say.....I have a few questions....Define best or good friend.....Is it someone you can talk to? Someone that is there for you? Someone that you hang out with often? Someone you would trust with your life? Someone who you can always count on? Someone who has all of the traits stated above? I believed it was the last one plus more....but everyday I don't seem to have that consistent best friend....actually hardly ever....Whether it be a he or she should not matter but as of right now if I go by the definition...I don't have one...One of the many things that are one my mind...
I do have someone that is begining to become more and more special to me everyday. I have fallen for her but once again there are always obsticles. I believe we can overcome them.....I am bothered by a certain issue.
(PS don't assume you know what you are talking about because you don't you should know who you are if not than it probubly isn't you.)
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